profile

NINJARUSS

the fool who will move to Japan

Potential man must die. It starts with taking one fall at a time.

What I make

Remember Rain The visual novel I actually want to make. A story about people reaching points of no return — falling into choices they can't completely undo and discovering who they become afterward. Ninjaruss Videos and livestreams about whatever I'm currently trying to understand: life, Japanese, anime, making things, wasting time, and occasionally realizing I've been wrong. Things I build Utasync, L-file, ninjaruss.net, and other things that usually begin with: why doesn't this already exist?

Subjects I explore

choice & the self

  • Knowing what to do and still not doing it
  • Commitment, avoidance, backsliding, and killing potential on purpose
  • Progress you only notice in hindsight
  • Agency inside circumstances you didn't choose

Japan & language

  • Learning Japanese through immersion, anime, songs, and weird associations
  • Moving to Japan and finding out which ideas survive actually living there
  • What being a real weeb actually means to me

making things

  • Trying to become good enough to make Remember Rain
  • Building niche software because I want it to exist
  • Live streaming as thinking out loud
  • Anime and manga as mirrors — Gurren Lagann, Usogui, Persona, 5D's, Code Geass

About

What I actually want is to be a writer.

Remember Rain is the thing I’m trying to become good enough to make. A lot of what I do — the notes, streams, Japanese, even some of the software — eventually loops back into that.

I have a bad habit of understanding myself instead of changing anything. I can explain why I’m avoiding something, where the habit came from, what I should probably do next, and then continue doing exactly the same thing.

So I’ve been trying something simpler: make choices that are real enough to have consequences.

That’s what I mean by killing my potential. As long as everything stays hypothetical, I can be anything. Choosing one direction means losing others. I’m becoming more okay with that.

Software sits somewhere in the middle. It can pay the bills, but I also genuinely like making weird little things for myself. L-file, Utasync, this site — most of them started because I wanted something that didn’t exist.

I’m moving to Japan soon. I don’t expect it to fix me. If anything, that’s part of why I’m going. I want to see what happens when I stop waiting for the right version of myself to show up first.

This site is mostly the evidence.

In spite of it all, I am Ninjaruss.

The full declaration →

Now

Go 日本語 Go!!!